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update [Dec. 31st, 2009|03:14 pm]
I am really not sure what to write on today. I have to teach piano in 30 minutes, it's across the street, but I wanted to get some ideas down on "paper" to wrestle with for the rest of the day.

I don't see how researching the illness that I have could be detrimental in anyway, though some have told me not to think about it and to stick my head in the sand.. That seems like an unfruitful thing to do. Besides both my parents support me and find those comments a bit odd. What I have been doing is trying to find information on the illness/disease that may contribute important insights into what is actually going on with me. It took a really long time for me to finally find out what was wrong with me, and now that I know, I can take appropriate steps and set appropriate goals to help me know how to cope with what I have. This illness, schizophrenia, has many symptoms and it seems that everyone I'm close to knows about them. The chief one being a sort of paranoia accompanied by depression and acute anxiety (acute or chronic). Also an inability or a lack of caring regarding taking care of hygiene. Mostly remembering to shower and wash my clothes. Ew.

I called in sick today because I was feeling really bad like I couldn't stand up due to, possibly, something that is going around. Winter flu bug, maybe. I'm sure I'll get better soon, but the schizophrenia is going to be with me the rest of my life. Thankfully there's hope for me and others like me. Lots of hope to control the symptoms.

I am reading on Galileo and Descartes. I don't remember much of what I read, but helpful insights seem to come back at appropriate times or times when I need them. Prayer is helpful. Questioning God's purpose in all of this seems to be my chief communication with God, I probably could use some good or better prayers than the ones I've been using recently.

In His Grace,